If we were to sum the Kingdom of God up in one word, the word would be family. God cherishes His family and each member of it. His covenant with humanity, (I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you in their generations, for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and your descendants after you, Genesis 17:7) is a promise of eternal union.
Not only does God cherish His family in word, He also does so in action. He is present and attentive, leader and provider, counselor, comforter and protector. As so, as we subdivide as smaller families within His large family, God's hope is that we will nurture our families as He has nurtured His. But that is just not always the case and never has been. And so this will be an exploration of what scripture has to say about unions... and separations.
- BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY
God created the heavens and the earth. He created the seas and trees and the animals. He created Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve are metaphors for men and women, respectively. He created humanity. Concerning humanity:
... Male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth... Genesis 1:27-28
It was always His intention that we would be fruitful and multiply. In other words, love and create relationships with each other. Unite and create families together. He did not just advise us to do create families, He blessed the undertaking of it. He planned for us to increase. He planned a promised land for us to bring out families into. Family has always been a part of the plan; in fact, the Bible tells the story of a family. From Adam and Eve to Noah and Abraham, Jacob and David, David to Obed and Ruth... all the way to Jesus, who ultimately made all people members of one family.
- ONE FLESH
Separation is not the plan of any relationship at onset. Even in the middle of a relationship-hardship, separation is not the intention, or the desired result. So what does the Bible have to say about pragmatically avoiding that outcome? Well to start, when two people decide to be in a relationship, that union must become the nucleus of their life.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24
If marriage is the choice, marriage becomes the priority. The health and stability and functioning of the union does not deny or deprive the other aspects of family in the married couple's lives but does supersede them. And the second part of that verse is to become one flesh. What does that mean? How is that done? The explanation comes in two parts from Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4,
Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
Marriage the constant flow of affection and respect. It is owed to each other because each have promised to give it. Marriage was never meant to be a flippant contract. To unite with a person means to absorb their needs as your own. To work and persist and champion their survival and happiness as one's own. In a way, you become indentured to the person you marry. And unless the love between two people is deep and sincere, that statement feels unappealing or like a chore. But it is the way marriage was intended by God. It's how God loves His family. Jesus used His time on earth to serve His family, Matthew 20:28. Essentially couple should only enter into a marriage if they mutually wish to serve the other. Not to be served, but to care for that other person.
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
This advice was given with the intention that each person would deal more affectionately with the other than the individual would even with themselves. It is meant to be beneficial, not restrictive. In such relationships, it not a scary thing for a spouse to have authority over the other. Just as God has authority of us, it is not a scary thing. Because the decisions He makes on our behalf are only, and always done out of good and selfless intentions. Love and compassion drive His every move.
This does not mean that each become slave to the other. It does not mean that each is the other's master (you have been freed from all forms of slavery by God, Galatians 4:7). If the relationship, or a member of the relationship, suggests that this is the case... that is not a union you should make. Jesus served humanity but was not our slave. God has authority over us but does not strip us of our free will. Not even God makes decisions for us, so definitely nobody else can. And always remember that if one can overrule the other... the other one can overrule the other. Thus what is created is a relationship based on service and compromise. Love and respect. Decisions are made together, sacrifices are made together.
- HARDNESS OF YOUR HEART
Indeed family is a blessed thing to God, and that which unites in the name of God, "let no man separate." (Matthew 19:6) He wants us to work and fight for the health and unity of our family. But humans are not as faithful as God. And therefore families do become separated. One prevalent reason for this: adultery. This can cause guilt and shame. Sometimes people remain in adulterous relationships because they fear punishment from God. But adultery has steadfastly been the exception to the rule. Once, God even divorced His own people because of their faithless adultery in their relationship with Him!
And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. Jeremiah 3:8
God is reasonable. Much more reasonable than ruthless, strict religions can be to the people who follow them. No religion, church or person has the authority to condemn another person for the dissolution of their marriage. God does not expect a person to stay with a faithless spouse. He wants our unions to be healthy and stable. Adultery corrupts and destabilizes the union; so God's advice in word is not to commit adultery (Exodus 20:14). And His advice in deed, is to not remain with someone who has (Jeremiah 3:8).
As for divorce on other grounds, it too has a precedent. A long time ago. Jesus explains in Matthew 19:8 explains that Moses granted people to divorce because of the hardness of their hearts. It's important, albeit disheartening, to remember that God knows that we will fall short of His mark. And so divorce is not an unforgivable sin. Like all other times we disappoint Him, sincere remorse and commitment to character growth is enough for His forgiveness.
And it's important to remember that God is not angry because a rule was broken. He's sad because a family was. He had the best intentions for that family and had wished that all people involved did too. But He gets it. He understands the situation as no one else does.
- PAUL'S POINT
The apostle Paul has his own advice about marriage: (paraphrasing) skip it, like I have, 1 Corinthians 7:7. This is not necessarily God's opinion. As we read, God encourages, loves, and blesses families. Paul's advice was given from the perspective of a constantly-travelling preacher. And the letters he wrote were often to people of the same profession. Paul did not think it wise or fair or even adequately possible for a person to maintain a family as well as a nomadic life.
All of that to say, Paul did not think a person should start a family unless it could be their main priority. Paul's opinion is not law. And of course many, many people juggle more things than just one. Not only because they might have to, but because they want to. Faith and kindness and hard work help us to achieve beyond our limits.
However some people are like Paul; they do not have the desire or need to marry; their marriage is to the word of God, Matthew 19:11. Since we know God blesses unions and families, marriages and children are not a bad thing. But neither is the choice not to have those things. Yet, and this is very prudent of Paul to mention, it is better for a person to marry than burn with passion, 1 Corinthians 7:8. In other words, if the prospect of celibacy and singleness is a chore or undesirable to you, do not even try; and if you're going to lust after all as a single person, choose one and love them as a married person.
The upshot: when you marry, mean it. And if you don't mean to marry, don't mingle. Keep the covenants you make by only making covenants you intend to keep. If you were harmed, God will heal you. If you have harmed you can heal. Endeavor to love people well, in union and divorce.