Clenched Fists, Moses Numbers 11:11-23
In Numbers 11, Moses is done. Moses is remembered most often for the incredible miracles God performed through Him. Known for messages of freedom and parted seas. For leading the tribes of Israel from enslavement to the promised land. Told in highlights, it is all glory and wonder. But if we look at the specifics of the journey, it was, like our lives, a journey indeed. An emotional and spiritual trek through peaks and valleys. The highest highs and the lowest lows.
Today we look at a low point. We study it because it is realistic and because we need to know that God is present and responsive when we need Him most. Read Moses' cry to God:
[11] Moses said to the LORD, “Why have you dealt ill with your servant? And why have I not found favor in your sight, that you lay the burden of all this people on me? [12] Did I conceive all this people? Did I give them birth, that you should say to me, ‘Carry them in your bosom, as a nurse carries a nursing child,’ to the land that you swore to give their fathers?... [15] If you will treat me like this, kill me at once, if I find favor in your sight, that I may not see my wretchedness."
This is not a flowery, respectful prayer. But it is honest. And most importantly, it is communication with God. It is not the most reverent communication but within it is full-blown belief in God. You cannot yell at someone you don't believe is there. Moses is not having a crisis of faith, that is not what this sermon is about. Moses is having a crisis as he carries out a mission within his life in faith. Jesus promised that would have trouble and then gifted us with all of the tools we would need to persevere through it. The most important one: communication with God.
Why is Moses was upset with the people?
On God's command, and by God's Hand, Moses led the tribes of Israel out of Egypt. Yet since even before the day of freedom, the people tormented Moses with their ingratitude, general misery and even outright insult toward God.
The tribes wanted to be free. God freed them. Moses led them through God's parted sea into freedom, a wilderness... a barren land, yes but empty of what? Empty of enslavers. Empty of the nations that would have intimidated them so badly they would have run right back into slavery. Yet the people complained. They accused Moses of leading them merely to die. The people had no faith and their unbelief was a weight on Moses.
Every step of the way, Moses had to believe for the whole group. Work for the whole group. Make arrangements for the whole group. When they did not believe they would be freed, he had to know and ensure God's promises to them. When the Egyptians chased after them, Moses had to believe that God could do the possible, could make a way for a people he was urging to walk it. When they did not believe they would find water in the desert, Moses had to believe that God would produce from nothing a source for an essential need. When the people had nothing to eat, Moses had to trust that God could provide.
And when all of the provision from God miraculously came through and was still unsatisfactory to the people... after Moses had fought in faith for them, interceded for them, dedicated his life to God's plan for them... it broke his spirit. Suddenly Moses did not feel chosen to lead; he felt chosen to suffer. And for what? Have you ever experienced times when your communication with God mirrors the verses above? Why are you doing this to me? What have I done to deserve this? These people aren't even my responsibility. If this is how it's going to be, do me a favor and take me out right now. This is the moment when life is so hard it seems the only mercy God could have on you is death.
But Moses, like all of us who take up the cross to do our specific duty for the kingdom within our specific circumstances, was not chosen for an easy mission. God does not meet us and say: I have an unimportant, not-difficult-in-any-way objective for you. You're a random, suitable-enough person for this meaningless task. No, no, no. God says: I have written all the days of your life in My book (Psalm 139:16-17); I have a plan for you (Jeremiah 29:11). It will be difficult and heavy (John 16:33), therefore "take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29–30).
So how did God respond to Moses? First: God heard. Second: God had compassion. But more than that: He acted. As we learn from Jesus, God is moved by compassion to act (Mark 1:41). Immediately, God developed a plan and implemented it. God instructed Moses to gather together and appoint elders from the community share the duties that were swallowing Moses whole. Did God believe that Moses could do it alone? Probably yes. Even from the very start God only begrudgingly allowed Moses' brother Aaron to share in the plan He had for Moses. But God cared about what Moses thought, how Moses felt. He took it into consideration and make adjustments that would help him accomplish his purpose.
Moreover, God did not forget the final problem that sent Moses over the edge: the people were unruly in their desire for meat. For something different to eat. Moses remained indignant with God, because he was human. God had immediately helped him and still Moses... we can almost imagine, was breathing heavily, not yet ready to release his anger. God promised that if the people wanted meat, he would make it happen. Moses basically responded: Oh, really? And how are you going to do that? We're in the middle of a desert.
God is not fragile; He deserves to be loved and spoken to reverently, but He can withstand the torrent that comes out of our broken spirit. God responded with patience, a promise of who He is, and with provision. When our tantrum is soul-deep weariness, we can trust God to be as long-suffering as He promises He is. God said He would help. Reminded Moses that He was not incapable and had not become so, and that Moses would see the provision with his own eyes. And he did see; (God provided so much meat the tribes of Israel then complained about that)!
When you have fought and have wrestled and you don't have anything left to give, remember...God will hear and have compassion. God will remain patience and reassure His promise. God will provide a plan and implement it (with consideration for us in the forefront of His mind).
Broken Spirit, Job Job 38
Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived. Let that day be darkness; let not God regard it from above, neither let the light shine upon it. Job 3:3-4
Moses wished he could die; Job cursed the day he was born. Like each of them, we might lose sight of our purpose here or maybe we never understood it at all. Job contended with God on this line of thought and God put him in his place. Just because Job did not understand, just because Job could not parse out the reason or purpose behind the trial did not, by any means, mean that God did not have one.
Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said: “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me. “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.Job 38:1–4
And that message humbled Job. Talked him down from the ledge, so to speak. Job said: I am small. I will put my hand over my mouth. Sometimes we need to do that; sometimes we need to hear the Lord remind us of who He is. We need to get rid of the pride that rises within us and demands to know the reason or thinks it has the authority to declare that there isn't one. Maybe we do not know it, maybe we do not see it, but we have to know God if we say we believe in Him. Is He unfocused? Has He no plan or strength or foresight?
Our Father is so tender and comprehensive (and stern when He needs to be). He puts compassion into action when we feel overburdened. But He also calls us to stand back at attention, so to speak. To remember who He is, to remember who breathed life into our lungs. God knows that we will falter in strength and has prepared for that (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). But we must never falter in remembrance of His strength.
After dressing Job down for completely neglecting to remember the majesty of God, God restored Job. His gains were double what he lost. And God blessed him and allowed Job to live a whole, full life, prosperous in blessing. But more than that, God used Job to serve an essential message to Satan behind the scenes. (Job's story also became an essential message delivered to millions over thousands of years).
Do we serve a wet noodle? Are the storehouses of heaven empty? Has the Lord's arm been shortened (Numbers 11:23)? When our soul is destitute and we forget our own strength we must not forget our Father's! God has a plan and He has made a promise. He is capable and dependable. We do not curse the day of our birth because a beautiful Father arranged it and each day of that life was written, on that day, in His book. So when we are standing in wreckage, as Job stood, we do not wallow in lamentations, we allow God to lift us up, and dust us off in order to resume standing firm in faith.
God responds by resituating you in His plan and redirecting you to His power.
Weary Soul, Elijah the Prophet 1 Kings 1:19
Elijah the Prophet ran for his life into the wilderness. Worse than his fear of the evil one who promised to hunt and kill him was his feeling of failure. Dejection.
"It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers. And he lay down and slept under a broom tree. And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, “Arise and eat.” And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again. And the angel of the LORD came again a second time and touched him and said, “Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you.” 1 Kings 19:4-7
Moses felt justifiably overburdened. Job felt justifiably bereft. Elijah felt unjustifiably like a failure. Elijah experienced, before any of us experienced it, that moment when you gave everything, everything you had and it did not amount to enough. That moment when you are ready to be done not because you do not have the will to go on but because you do not have anything left to give.
It is then that God rushes in, in His ever present brilliance, with spiritual sustenance. Not meat or manna in the desert. Not with a reminder of the purpose and the plan. But with rest and love and a nudge for the soul that comes from the Holy Spirit. And with ministry directly from His angels. It is then that we are awoken each day by His touch and moved by His hand to arise, to partake of what our spirit needs to continue on.
In this place, God sustains us and listens to the very voice of our soul. Like Elijah, we might say: Lord, I have loved you all my days. I have fought in this faith. In return, the world slaughtered every good work at every turn. I am the only thing left standing, there is only a wisp of resistance left in me. I have been marked for death. Elijah felt stark loneliness; the other prophets of the Lord had been murdered, yet there was work still to be done.